Red Flags and Flaws

Today I worked on the acute unit at work. It may sound like the most exciting unit in the hospital, but it's really the most boring. The patients are mostly detoxing. Which means I have TONS of time to think.

So today I had an epiphany. I realized why so many, myself included, hate dating.

It's because we are looking for, consumed by, and/or blinded by our partner's flaws and fail to see the red flags. These red flags, if heeded correctly, can save time, heartache, and not make us feel stupid.

Now I understand that hindsight bias is always 20/20, but in reality if we were looking for red flags instead of flaws, I feel like we are more open to the other person. It's not "He/she's a little corky" but more "does this person potentially have a mental disorder?".

I understand that often times flaws are in themselves red flags. Flaws are often correctable, and if not, can be overlooked. Red flags should not be.

What's a flaw? I'll give you some real life examples:

1. They are shorter than I am.
2. They weigh less than I do.
3. They can't remember things I hate (ice-skating, Mexican food, etc.)
4. They like to listen to EFY music.
5. They like BYU football.
6. They like to play ultimate frisbee.
7. They wear tennis shoes with jeans.
8. They are consistently late.
9. They like jazz music, but don't know what kind.
10. They ask me why I have trust issues.

What's a red flag? Well, let me give you examples from my own dating experiences:

1. If they say to you "If you went to the gym, and did some calf raises, you could have nice legs".
2. If they say to you "I usually am attracted to girls because they are pretty, but with you it was your personality".
3. If they say to you "When I first met you, you were funny, but now..."
4. When they say they don't have to usher funerals, and that they can choose if they want to our not, and then the day before your date they say they have to usher a funeral.
5. When you don't return a text within 20 minutes and they text "Did I do something wrong?" and then 5 minutes later "Sorry. I wish we could be friends".
6. You tell them that you're average, and completely fine with being average, and then they keep telling and texting you that you're not average, as if you have some sort of self-esteem issue.
7. When you tell them that you want to adopt a baby with Down-Syndrome and they ask you "Why?!" in a tone that makes you feel dumb.
8. They ask for your bestie's phone number.
9. They "can't" tell you what they do for a living.
10. Their Facebook profile picture is of them at a serious Civil War reenactment, and when you try to politely get out of conversation about the Civil War stating "Sorry, I'm a World War II fan" they proceed to tell you about their friend who has a WWII working tank.


I would love to know how you all feel about this. Please feel free to comment.



PS In case you were wondering which is the most "exciting" unit at the hospital, it is hands down the children's unit.