Fire Crotch

Today at work I got kicked in the crotch by one of my patients. No, it wasn't the one who normally targets me (our most aggressive patient), nor was it the black man who thinks he's white who throws things. It was our brandnew patient who has an IQ of 56 (for all of you who aren't psychology nerds, the average IQ, well depending on what test is administered, is 100 with a standard deviation of 15). Anyways, this patient did not want to come in from the courtyard, so he sat down in the middle of the hallway. My co-worker went over and picked him up while I held the door. The patient started kicking at the wall so my co-worker shifted his weight and the patient kicked me. It was like a slow motion movie. He turned and face me. Looked directly at my crotch and then delivered a very hard swift kick. Among the panic that insued, I remained calm. I was even making jokes. He had actually kicked me in the best place possible, because it didn't hurt when he kicked me, probably from the fat that is contributing to my small veins. So after he was escorted by other co-workers of mine, I returned to the courtyard to bask in the sun, laughing to myself that I had just been kicked in the woman parts.

When I returned to the unit the nurse asked me how my shin was doing. I told her my shin was fine, but that wasn't where the patient kicked me. I had to explain it was my crotch. Now I am a very open person, but I like to use anatomically correct terms. But apparently there aren't anatomical terms for the front of the crotch. I had to fill out paperwork and type up reports on the incident, and with every 'crotch' that was written I became more and more uncomfortable. Why? Because I couldn't use words that I'm used to using like uterus, vagina, or cervix. No, I was stuck repeatidly writing 'Crotch' and like a 7-year-old-schoolboy I was embarrassed. I didn't even know how to spell crotch, I had to ask the nurse.

Then the doctor came in to assess the situation. The nurse so kindly told him "Whitney here got kicked in the crotch".There was that word again. Crotch. Crotch, crotch, crotch. By this point I had embraced the fact that I had been kicked in the crotch. The doctor asked "Are you ok?". I turned to him and stated "I don't think I'll be able to have children, but other than that I'm fine.". Everyone laughed but then when I was filing an incident report the paper stated 'are you injured?' and you had to check yes or no. Well, I didn't know. Can you break your crotch? I had to make a new box that said 'unknown'. The nurses told me that I wouldn't know until I used the bathroom. So naturally I was terrified that when I went the bathroom I would be in extreme pain. So an hour later, when I got the nerve to use the bathroom I was suprised to find my crotch was not broken.

Don't worry, since I filed an incident report, if anything happens Utah State Hospital (ie. Tax payers of Utah) have to pay for it.